How To Win Friends and Influence People

“Only knowledge that is used sticks in your mind.”

Key takeaway

Project based learning trumps theoretical reading

“Half the nation savagely condemned these incompetent generals, but Lincoln, “with malice toward none, with charity for all,” held his peace. One of his favorite quotations was “Judge not, that ye be not judged.”

Key takeaway

Judge others how you would want to be judged

“Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbor’s roof,” said Confucius, “when your own doorstep is unclean.”

Key takeaway

Focus on yourself

“Yes, just one way. And that is by making the other person want to do it.”

Key takeaway

Incept others to get shit done

“I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people,” said Schwab, “the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement.”

Key takeaway

Positive reinforcement can help get others onboard and motivated

“Emerson said: “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”

Key takeaway

You can learn from everyone

“So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.”

Key takeaway

You need to align incentives

“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”

Key takeaway

Align incentives by seeing things from their POV

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

Key takeaway

Be interesting by being interested.

“Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.”

Key takeaway

You can influence actions that lead to good feelings

“So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.”

Key takeaway

Best way to have good convo, ask about them!

“Over three hundred years ago Galileo said: You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself.”

Key takeaway

Inception baby!

“Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems. A person’s toothache means more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million people. A boil on one’s neck interests one more than forty earthquakes in Africa. Think of that the next time you start a conversation.”

Key takeaway

People only care about themselves. Use this to your advantage

“I read a fable about the sun and the wind. They quarreled about which was the stronger, and the wind said, “I’ll prove I am. See the old man down there with a coat? I bet I can get his coat off him quicker than you can.” So the sun went behind a cloud, and the wind blew until it was almost a tornado, but the harder it blew, the tighter the old man clutched his coat to him. Finally, the wind calmed down and gave up, and then the sun came out from behind the clouds and smiled kindly on the old man. Presently, he mopped his brow and pulled off his coat. The sun then told the wind that gentleness and friendliness were always stronger than fury and force.”

Key takeaway

Paradox. Give to get more.

“Let Charles Schwab say it in his own words: “The way to get things done,” says Schwab, “is to stimulate competition. I do not mean in a sordid, money-getting way, but in the desire to excel.”

Key takeaway

Competition gets things done

“People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued.”

Key takeaway

Get people involved and they will feel more invested

“Use of praise instead of criticism is the basic concept of B. F. Skinner’s teachings. This great contemporary psychologist has shown by experiments with animals and with humans that when criticism is minimized and praise emphasized, the good things people do will be reinforced and the poorer things will atrophy for lack of attention.”

Key takeaway

Positive reinforcement trumps fear mongering

“Everybody likes to be praised, but when praise is specific, it comes across as sincere—not something the other person may be saying just to make one feel good.”

Key takeaway

Give specific praise and it will feel authentic